Ode to the Phifa

A few months ago, my beloved childhood dog, Phifa, was diagnosed with cancer. While she's already 12-years-old, since then, she has pretty much just been a 'slower' version of herself. It has been a bittersweet process of watching her grow old, especially now that my own family has a 6-month-old golden bounding around and breaking stuff every which way he goes.

Last night, at my Mom's request, we visited the Phifa as her health seems to have taken another turn. I was so happy to see her perk up and come to the door when we arrived and while I laid with her I couldn't help but think of how many of my happy childhood memories involve this loving little canine.

When she was a puppy, I used to pick her up from my brother's place (she is really my brother's dog) and take care of her. The first time I met her, she was holed up in the corner of her crate, so scared because of the thunder storm ensuing outside. I would take her to my Dad's house, hidden in a laundry basket underneath some clothes until that fateful day when my dad asked what that furry tail was doing underneath my clothes :) Sorry, Papa!

An obsessed frisbee-er, I used to take her to my old middle school's soccer field to play with her. For a teenager with endlesses sources of change surrounding her, this dog was a constant source of love, affection and wonderfully positive energy. One by one, as my brother and I left the house, I couldn't help but wonder if she ever felt abandoned. Regardless, she was a visitor wherever I lived within the continental U.S. and seeing her was always, always the best reminder of what I loved about 'home'. I was happy to discover after years away from home that she managed to wrap my father around her finger tips and found a 'treat' ally - not as exciting as our hikes and walks but she was absolutely loved and taken care of nonetheless.

Now, she's met and loves my AFJW and has even met our new dog, Sasa - a new generation of her family. It's a brutal, if not honest reminder of how quickly her years have passed. I've seen her running through trails, swimming in multiple lakes and bodies of water (both clean and questionably clean) and walking through the streets of Chicago on family vacations! I even remember the time I wrapped her up in a sheet and snuck her into our hotel room - carrying her 60+ wiggly pounds!!

Photo from the other day :)

AFJW takes Phifa for a walk :) (phone pic)

About 1.5 yrs ago! AFJW with the Phifa (phone pic)

Gratuitous shot - just for a laugh (AFJW & Sasa) 8/2008

It's hard to ignore the emotional heartache of watching the conflict and pain that my parents are going through; watching her grow older, wondering how much longer she has with us and hoping that they make her last moments with us the best that they can possibly be. It hit me hard last night how much easier I have it - I have so many memories of her healthier perhaps, happier days and I don't have to necessarily see her deteriorate. Nevertheless, I am selfishly, not ready to let her go and am helping my Mom make sure that we keep her as comfortable as possible.

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Post Script Friday, February 13, 2009

Phifa passed away peacefully at home on Wednesday, February 11, 2009 at around 1pm. I heard the night before from my Mom that they had decided to let her rest. She told us she was ready to go and in fact, I think she waited for my Dad to come home from his trip to Taiwan before she left us. My goodbye to her was so bittersweet...she lived a full life and she was undeniably one of the most loved dog son the planet. Indeed, the grief is very real.

She was a gift to us and her memory will be a constant reminder of how pivotal she was to our family unit and how she always helped us stick together. What a funny little pup...we love you so much, Phifa!!!